Our summer miniseries of Failed Franchises continues unabated with a look at an adaptation of a pretty popular children’s book that stagnated for years in development hell, had a wildly troubled production period, was unceremoniously dumped on a streaming service because of a plague, and was then taken off again in exchange for a tax write-off. Almost assuredly, you will not remember that this all describes Kenneth Branagh’s 2020 damp squib, Artemis Fowl! Journey to Ireland (well, mostly just a house) with Leigh, Brendan, and Chris as they discuss the manic attempts to alter this movie in post-production, the vague half-baked world building, and the nightmarish image of Josh Gad unhinging his jaw while devouring dirt and forcefully expelling it from his anus. By necessity, there’s obviously a cocktail involved here too since there’s no way we could sit through this whole drab ordeal while sober.
