28.5 – Fandon’ts

Fandoms! They’re the inescapable parasite that our franchise-heavy movie world must support, lest all of the major studios crumble into dust. In this episode, Leigh, Brendan, and Chris talk about all the horrifying aspects of fandoms that have reared their ugly, shrieking, appeasement-seeking heads. From gatekeeping to temper fits to the mysoginistic dregs that flow through the Internet, we poke them all with pointed sticks and muse on the world they have left in their wake. Also it’s not all gloom and doom, because there’s a whopping three drinks for the frothy inanity of a movie we’ll be tacking next time, so enjoy that part! As always, subscribe and rate on Apple Podcasts and Stitcher and like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast. What have you got to lose???

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28 – Fay Grim

We could tell you that the audio for this episode is a reference to our movie’s low budget DIY sensibility, but that would be an outright lie, and we respect you too much to do that to you. Instead, we apologize for this episode’s iffy audio and blame our microphone settings. Hopefully, none of it will deter too much from the quirky indie sensibilities of Hal Hartley’s 2006 sequel, the spy thriller satire (?!?!) Fay Grim. Never seen the movie that precedes it? Don’t worry, it won’t matter if you had! Leigh, Brendan, and Chris discuss the futility of criticizing auteur projects, the risks of satirizing something you are unable to actually make, and the saving grace that is Parker Posey. We hope you can choke down all this chatter and the thematically bitter cocktail too. Sorry, that’s just the kinda guys we are. Rate our endeavors online, like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts and Stitcher.

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27.5 – Twist and Shout

What a twist! Instead of doing something else you might have expected, instead we’re talking about twist endings. How unexpected maybe! Join Leigh, Brendan, and Chris as we define twist endings, cover the ones we don’t like and why, and then very quickly throw out some good ones because we realize we’ve spoken too long about bad ones. Also there’s the next movie we’ll be doing and the drink for it, and we hope you remember The Girl from Monday because it’s related to that, so maybe download that episode and give it another listen, why not! As always, visit us online at dratpack.com, like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. TWIST!!!

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27 – King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Gather your lads and get ready to bash some noggins, because this ain’t your great^45 grandfather’s King Arthur story! Actually, this ain’t really anyone’s King Arthur story, except maybe Guy Ritchie’s. Join Leigh, Brendan, and Chris as they get all lagered up and watch Guy Ritchie’s bizarrely-handled 2017 notbuster, King Arthur: The Legend of the Sword. Topics for discussion include Ritchie’s attempt to graft his style onto a medieval tale, the sausage-fest- er, banger-fest- that is King Arthur and his Lads of the Round Table, and the general video game-esque vibes that permeate throughout. In the end, we try to come up with a better adaptation of the Arthur mythos and offer a drink recipe as reparations for all our Viking shenanigans. Rather than pulling a magic sword from the stone that was your father (don’t even ask), you can be a hero and rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and visit us online at dratpack.com.

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26.5 – Why Do I Like This – The Tryouts

Look out! In lieu of our more normal subjects, we’re doing this first mini episode in a new mini episode series that we’re calling Why Do I Like This for lack of a better name. In this, we’ll discuss something we like that has a lot of negative connotations of any kind and explain why we like it and offer a defense of it. Join us for the first of however many we end up doing mini episodes as out very own Leigh discusses her love of pop punk music while Chris probes her mind and Brendan is there also. At the risk of shaking things up TOO much, we also have a drink recipe for the medieval mess of a movie that will follow in our next episode. If you in turn decide you like us, you can show it by rating us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and visiting our website at dratpack.com.

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26 – America’s Sweethearts

You loved Julia Roberts, John Cusack, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Billy Crystal in, uh, all the stuff they’ve been in that you might have liked them in. Now see them as you’ve never seen them before- horribly unlikable, bitchy, and barely two-dimensional! Join America’s REAL sweethearts Leigh, Brendan, and Chris as we kick back with a fruit cocktail and popcorn and snipe about the questionable satire, the utter lack of character development, and how little rom and com is in this ostensible romcom. How do we take this inconsequential bit of cinematic nothingness and make it better? Well, there’s lot of alcohol involved. Be our Valentines by liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast or rating us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. KIKIIIIIIIII 🙁

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25.5 – The Dragon, the Droid, and the Fountain

With February on the way, that once-fabled dumping ground of crappy movies that studios don’t care about, Leigh, Brendan, and Chris turn their attention to an all-too-relevant topic: what was the worst experience we ever had in a movie theater? The discussion covers both horrible movies and horrible environments, and touches on such diverse topics as trees that jizz, appalling YA rip-off movies, and that horrible period where Star Wars: The Clone Wars was supposed to be the last Star Wars movie to ever be released in a theater. We also announce our upcoming February Valentine rom-com movie and a suitably red cocktail to go with it. As always, visit us online at dratpack.com, like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, those twin titans of podcast aggregators!

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25 – The Brothers Grimm

Your third-or-fourth-favorite movie-related podcast is back for 2018, baby! The Why Watch crew welcomes in the new year with a pretty crappy Terry Gilliam jaunt, 2005’s The Brothers Grimm starring Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, and a whole bunch of wasted talent. There’s a whole magical forest’s worth of problems to dissect in this film, from the rambling plot to the sketchy characters to the ill-defined curse that the grotesque bones of all this hangs upon. On the bright side, there’s a hot buttered rum drink to keep everyone feeling drunk and warm and fuzzy, and everyone has some different ideas about how they’d make a better movie using the basic beans of this one. As always, rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and visit us online at dratpack.com. BEANS!

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24.5 – The Closing of the Year

The holiday season has wrapped up but we’re recording this while still in the thick of it all, so the Why Watch crew just decided to recap our year in terms of the best and the worst for both movies and cocktails. We also throw the first movie of 2018 out there along with a drink recipe and some of what to expect for the next twelve months. Rest assured that no matter how bleak and miserable things may seem, we really have nothing better to do with our time than this, so expect another year of this sort of thing! You can make our new year bright by rating us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, and visiting our website at dratpack.com, which we resolve to maybe actually update more this year. Here’s hoping / happy new year!

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24 – Love Actually

Whenever we get gloomy with the state of movies, it’s usually because we’re bombarded with half-baked concepts, threadbare plots, and shoddy characterization. General opinion makes out that one movie that manages to include all these concepts, 2003’s Love Actually, is a cherished Christmas classic, but we don’t see that. When we made two wintery cocktails and sat down to watch this very long anthology movie, none of our comments were messages of hate or revenge- they were all logical questions, like why is this movie trying to wedge the drama of death and broken relationships into a fluffy holiday romcom, and why do so many of the relationships feel upsetting or unbalanced, and why does it seem to think fat people are so horrible? Join us for our special Christmas episode as we try to lovingly reshape this ill-conceived movie, and like us on Facebook at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. Besides, we’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that Love Actually is all around this time of year, so you might as well listen to us discuss it anyway.

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23.5 – Pitcher’s Mound – Remaking “Christmas in Connecticut”

The holliest jolliest time of year is upon us, and what better way to get yourself into the holiday spirit than by settling in a hot drink and a beloved Christmas movie? Well, maybe by also watching a movie you really like but still have a few problems with and then coming up with an idea on how to remake it! Leigh, Brendan, and Chris mull some wine and settle our brains for a viewing of the charming 1945 screwball romantic comedy Christmas in Connecticut starring Barbara Stanwyck, Dennis Morgan, and Sydney Greenstreet. How could the strengths of the movie be emphasized while removing the aspects that don’t play as well? Well, stop reading this synopsis and listen to the episode, you should know how this works by now! Also in this episode, our upcoming holiday movie and the two corresponding drink recipes. Listen to us, rate us, like us, and watch Christmas in Connecticut if you’re in the mood for something festive (but avoid the made-for-TV remake directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger at all costs).

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23 – Constantine

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, and the Why Watch crew is not very thankful for one of their dumber duller movies, 2005’s looser-than-your-holiday-dinner-pants adaptation of the DC property Constantine starring Keanu Reeves. Why are Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare the only magnetic presences? What’s a half-breed angel or demon, and how could they exist in the first place if angels or demons can’t come to Earth and bone a human? What is the villain’s plan exactly and why does it take over an hour to complete? We don’t know but we’ll also rework this dumb, dumb, dumb movie into something that would actually merit you focusing your eyeballs at it for over two hours. Also our cocktail is very intense and bitter and spicy and Leigh doesn’t really like it. Oh well. Help us to ascend to a better life by rating us on Apple Podcasts and Stitcher, liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and visiting our website at dratpack.com. Woe!

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22.5 – Weak Spots

No, it’s not about adaptations. What a premature call THAT one was! Instead, we’re talking about weaknesses. Be it a guilty pleasure or a kick to the crotch, we all have our weak spots, and movies are no exception. In this mini episode, the Why Watch crew gathers to talk about what one thing will make them interested in a movie despite all other warning flags. As usual, there’s also the reveal of our post-Halloween horror-ish movie for November and the drink that will accompany it and a lot of banter and stuff! Submit to our joint weakness, the need for validation, and rate us on Apple Podcasts and Stitcher and like us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast!

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22 – Dark Shadows

Our annual Halloween spooktacular is back, and this time it’s featuring Dark Shadows! Ha ha, no, not the sequel to last month’s The Shadow,  but a 2012 Tim Burton movie based off a gothic 60s soap opera you probably don’t have much reason to remember. There’s a whole bunch of Burton’s usual gimmicks on display here, be they the washed-out colors, the Danny Elfman score, or the very talented and very wasted actors (and also Johnny Depp). All this gets covered along with some tasty alcoholic punch before we all suggest ways to shape Dark Shadows into a movie that’s better than “passably watchable at points.” In lieu of trick or treats, you can like us on Facebook at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and rate us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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21.5 – What’s in a Spook?

This mini, the crew imprisons a spirit they found lurking in their apartment, magically binds it to the table of their game room, and uses the latest scientific techniques to determine what, in fact, makes it tick. Or something like that. Actually, it’s a lot of talk about what makes a movie scary to them, but really, it’s the same basic idea. As always, there’s plenty of drat chat about jump scares, atmosphere, and petit four dishes. Oh, and also a liquor-drenched punch for the upcoming Halloween spooktacular episode! BLEH!!! As always, like on facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, rate on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, and prep your eyeballs for our retro-candy-colored-but-desaturated episode to follow.

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21 – The Shadow

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! And who remembers that weird time in the ’90s when a bunch of studios made unsuccessful movies based on old-time pulp heroes? The Shadow remembers! And who can take this weirdly incoherent character sketch of a movie and reshape it into something worth watching? Well, hopefully Leigh, Brendan, Chris and returning guest Michael Messina can, because that Shadow guy just keeps laughing at us. Also, we make a CRAZY drink with edible luster dust and dry ice and BOY is it wild. Anyway, you can learn what evil lurks in the hearts of the Why Watch crew by liking us on Facebook at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and rating us on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

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20.5 – Pitcher’s Mound – Sequels

For this mini, your pals at Why Watch decide to do something a little different. Each of them chooses a movie they wish had a sequel but never got one and pitches an idea for a sequel to it. Brendan tackles a dark animated movie from his childhood, Leigh continues an 80s sci-fi romance, and Chris of course posits a sequel to an over-the-top martial arts / historical drama / horror movie mess. All these free ideas for Hollywood, the next movie they’ll tackle, AND a drink recipe too? Sure, why not! As always, give likes at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, ratings on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, and return in two weeks for our Halloween warm-up movie!

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20 – It’s a Boy Girl Thing

What do you get when you take a horny stupid jock boy and have him switch bodies with an uptight anal-retentive nerd girl? Did you guess It’s a Boy Girl Thing, a “hilarious” take on gender roles that felt already years out of date by the time it was released that also featured Sharon Osbourne as an American mom, an endless series of sex jokes, and the song Candle in the Wind on endless repeat? No. Of course you didn’t. How could you? Listen to the Why Watch crew discuss these issues over two drinks and then offer up some body-swapped fixes of their own. You can avoid being a dumb jock by finding / rating our podcast on Apple Podcasts and Stitcher, liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast, or visiting our website at dratpack.com.

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19.5 – Critically Acclaimed

Are you adequately prepared for some sizzlin’ hot takes??? Hey, wait, where are you going? Look, we went through the trouble of defining the parameters and writing things down so please listen. This mini episode sees the Drat Pack tackling critically-acclaimed movies that they just don’t care about- not that they’re BAD or anything, but they just don’t do anything for us! We also do a brief thing about Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, so look forward to that one being an episode someday, and introduce the gender-swap-boner-joke teen comedy we’ll be doing next time. As always, validate us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast or rate us kindly us on iTunes or Stitcher.

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19 – Atlantis: The Lost Empire

What do you get when you take a studio desperate to reclaim its place at the top of the animated movie food chain and sell it on a pitch for a more grown-up action movie? Well, you get The Black Cauldron, or maybe Treasure Planet, or also possibly parts of Dinosaur, but in this specific case you end up with Atlantis: The Lost Empire. Join two-thirds of the Why Watch crew and their special auxiliary member Brendan as they try to figure out what the rules of the Atlantean crystal are, how successfully Mike Mignola’s style translated to an animated movie, why Mrs. Packard is the greatest Disney character of the 2000s, and then make a slightly better version of this movie. As always, take the dive with us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and rate us on iTunes and Stitcher.

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18.5 – Sequins-ses

The crew is, for a brief time, all together this week, and we decide to spend the time chatting about our favorite sequences from film and TV alike. Join us as Leigh remembers how to podcast again and Chris and Brendan threaten to derail the entire discussion with talk of sexuality research and favored San Francisco haunts, then prepare for a DEEP DIVE into Disney when we reveal our next movie. As always, please rate us on iTunes or Stitcher and find us at dratpack.com or facebook.com/whywatchpodcast.

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18 – Jumper

Let us tell you about our day so far. A themed cocktail in Boston, sat through the 2008 Doug Liman movie Jumper, took a little nap about thirty minutes in because it was a real snooze. Oh, yeah, we got our special guest Meghan Coyne to join us from Portland. And then we jumped back to discuss the poorly-realized universe and rules of the movie, the stunning lack of chemistry between the two leads, and if we’d bone Hayden Christensen. We came up with some ideas as to how we’d make this into a watchable movie, and all that was before lunch. We could go on, but all we’re saying is, we’re standing on top of the world. Jump with us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and by rating us on iTunes and Stitcher!

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17.5 – Home Alone with Brendan

No, but not the movie Home Alone. Look, life comes at you fast, and sometimes you end up having to record a mini episode where no one is actually available. So really, there’s nothing much to this one. It’s summer! We were all very excited and had a lot of difficulty scheduling! So anyway, here’s just Brendan letting you all know what the next movie and drink is. It’s like two minutes long, so there’s very little time commitment on your part. We’ll be back with an actual episode in two weeks! We promise!

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17 – The Lord of the Rings

Long ago, in the early year of 1978, the animator Ralph Bakshi forged a questionable adaptation of maybe 50% of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. The fellowship of the Why Watch join forces with special guest Faith Johnson to analyze the problems of this dull and poorly-conceived semi-animated misfire. Is there actually a way someone could condense Tolkien’s three dense volumes into two movies? The crew will certainly try to! Curl up with a delicious Mead of Moria and join our quest at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and rate us on iTunes and Stitcher.

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16.5 – Looking to Score

Look, it’s an entire episode of Brendan’s favorite segment, Looking to Score! Leigh, Brendan, and Chris gather together to discuss their favorite film scores, composers, the use of themes and leitmotifs, and sometimes even video game music because when YOU have your own podcast, you can discuss what YOU want. Also there’s a drink recipe for our next movie, a feature about a certain ring and the lord of said object! What could that be??? As always, please rate us on iTunes or Stitcher and find us at dratpack.com or facebook.com/whywatchpodcast.

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16 – Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

HEADS UP: Apologies in advance for the audio problems due to our remote recording- we’ll explain in the episode, but enjoy a belated Star Wars Day (or The Force Aw8ens or whatever) with our Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones discussion! Leigh, Brendan, Chris, and Brendan sit down with a bloody sandy drink to discuss what specifically makes Anakin a bad character, what is Count Dooku’s purpose / motivation in this movie, and if the prequels were simply destined to be difficult based solely on the stories they had to tell. Also we don’t really mention Jar Jar at all, so you can be assured that we have bigger gooberfish to fry here. And you need not scramble code five to Coruscant care of the old folks’ home to reach us- simply find us at dratpack.com or facebook.com/whywatchpodcast.

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15.5 – La La Land

What’s this jazz? A mini episode that’s effectively just a regular episode? Sure, why not! The movie may have come out a few months ago, but the two Brendans and Chris have still been mulling over La La Land a lot. What precisely was it that had the three of them leaving the theater thinking “Meh?” Sit down with the guys of the Why Watch crew as they discuss the characters, the songs, and how the movie works (or doesn’t work) as a musical. How would the three of them make La La Land work better AND save jazz from dying? Listen for the answer to the first question, and scat with us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast and @whywatchpodcast on twitter and slipping us some sweet, sweet reviews on iTunes and Stitcher.

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15 – Die Another Day

We’re gonna watch a bad James Bond / We’re gonna drink some cocktails / We’re gonna fix this movie / We’re gonna discuss this film now / I guess it’s Die Another Day? That’s right, podcast listeners, our movie this month is the 23rd James Bond movie, the woefully incoherent Die Another Day. Leigh, Brendan, Chris and other Brendan kick back with some drinks and talk about the glaring issues at hand: needlessly invisible cars, the unclear politics of North Korea, and the atrocious contributions of Madonna. How will this Bond movie be turned from A View to a Kill to Casino Royale? Listen and find out! As always, you can bond with us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast or following us on Twitter @whywatchpodcast or reviewing us on iTunes and Stitcher. THE WHY WATCH CREW WILL RETURN.

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14.5 – Fast Action! Bonding!

Heeya! Pow! Hi-keeba! These are just some of the noises that someone might make in an action movie. To hear the others, please listen to our discussion minisode on the subject! There’s a whole bunch of conversation starters at play here, including acting, story, and what flavors of action make your pectorals flex with excitement. We’ll announce the  upcoming movie we’ll be punching up along with TWO kickass drink recipes to accompany it, and friend of the podcast James Mason just might drop in to offer some thoughts! Remember, the best action you can take is liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast or following us on Twitter @whywatchpodcast or reviewing us on iTunes and Stitcher. KICK SOUND!

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14 – The Girl from Monday

An incomprehensible sci-fi plot, sex as an economic commodity, and an indie sensibility that just won’t quit- take all these ingredients, throw in a winter sangria, and what do you have? Regrettably, you have the 2005 Hal Hartley movie The Girl from Monday. Harkening back to last year’s Bunraku, Leigh puts forth this mopey mess for Brendan and Chris to make sense of. How could this Dutch-angled dystopia have been improved? Listen and find out! Also, we talk about TaleSpin for some reason. You can spin it by reviewing us on iTunes and Stitcher, following us at @whywatchpodcast, and liking us at facebook.com/whywatchpodcast.

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